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Follow the steps outlines in How to use the DBCC MEMORYSTATUS command to monitor memory usage on SQL Server. The remedy action will depend on your findings. You can also read How to Identify Microsoft SQL Server Memory Bottlenecks which is more accessible. One word of caution though: is unlikely you will find individual queries to blame. Tracking downs ...
The best database will be the one you (or the person in charge) know how to administer and handle. Besides software resources, one important question is the human resources you have available for your project. Oracle, Sql Server... will all be useless if no one in your company knows how to use those DBMS.
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