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Sorry, but you have designed yourself into a corner. Strike 1: EAV (key-value) schema sucks when the tables get large. Further discussion and possible workarounds: http://mysql.rjweb.org/doc.php/eav Strike 2: GUIDs (and UUIDs, MD5s, etc) suck as KEYs because they are so random. Further discussion and a possible (but unlikely) workaround: ...

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