Okay. Apparently someone removed the DROP privilege from root (they have every other privilege granted), presumably to prevent accidental deletion of tables. Problem is now no users have the privilege. Upon trying to reassign the privilege, mysql responds with
mysql> GRANT ALL ON *.* TO 'root'@'localhost';
ERROR 1045 (28000): Access denied for user 'root'@'localhost' (using password: YES)
I tried creating a new user with the same privilege; same error.
Error creating account root@[hostname]: Access denied for user 'root'@localhost (using password: YES)
I double checked my who I'm authenticated as: root@localhost.
mysql> select user();
+----------------+
| user() |
+----------------+
| root@localhost |
+----------------+
1 row in set (0.00 sec)
mysql> select current_user();
+----------------+
| current_user() |
+----------------+
| root@localhost |
+----------------+
1 row in set (0.00 sec)
MYSQL Grants
SELECT COUNT(1) MySQLGrantsCount,VERSION() MySQLVersion
FROM information_schema.columns
WHERE table_schema='mysql' AND table_name='user';
returns
+------------------+--------------+
| MySQLGrantsCount | MySQLVersion |
+------------------+--------------+
| 43 | 5.6.34 |
+------------------+--------------+
1 row in set (0.00 sec)